I understand your President promises you he's coming to "take me out" 'cause I won't show him my naughty toys. Seems it will be so easy he'll do it over a long weekend. He would have done it sooner but he got - er, uh - held up in Afghanistan. See, I just don't feel like showing them to him just because he feels like asking, especially since the U.S. tried so hard to find that I had sent that white anthrax powder, and turns out it was your very own domestic stores that you can't keep track of. And seems you have lots and lots of nukes (now, THOSE are weapons of MASS destruction), planning to make new little-bitty ones, and you don't seem too shy about advertising you are all ready-willing and eager, too, it seems-to use them against anybody who happens be on your terrorist-of-the-week list. Plus those guys who did you on 9/11 were from Saudi Arabia and Egypt-your good buddies. Go paste them.

But maybe you should remind him before he flies over that your Vice President just visited my neighbors and they were barely civil, let alone not giving him anything he wanted-not this time, and, frankly, I don't believe very soon again-that the Big Bossy stuff just ended for you on 9/11 and you are not getting to threaten any more, because you are vulnerable, too, "they" can get you, too, any time, any place. Maybe you should remind him that I have fellow Arabs in the area, lots and lots of them and they don't like you either, that maybe he won't be able to find a scrap of real estate to take those pointy-nosed airplanes off from. And maybe somebody-hey, everybody-will just decide to shut off the spigot. Airplanes can't fly-and SUVs can't run, either-without gasoline. Maybe he-you, too-should think about that.

And maybe you should remind him there is another way to deal with other nations in the world than by threats, warnings, coercion. It's called diplomacy and it's waged with thinking diplomats, not military might. Then you might find that gradually-you have a long ways to go-you'll find fewer and fewer people out to "get you."

Maybe he-and you, too-should think about that.

Later, Saddam Saddam

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